Every household has someone who knows where the phone chargers went, which bill is due, and what homework is still sitting in a backpack. In Brooke Schnittman’s house, that person was her. An ADHD coach and coach trainer with 20 years in the field, Schnittman joined Christopher Fern on Energy Economics for Parents to talk about what that job cost her, and the simple system she now uses to decide what deserves her energy at all.
The cost of being the one who knows everything
Schnittman describes her home as one big neurodivergent family: a three-year-old, two stepsons, and ADHD, autism, anxiety, and OCD in the mix. She has ADHD and anxiety herself, and years of systems-building from her work as a special education teacher and administrator. That made her the default manager of everything.
It didn’t hold. Schnittman told Fern her cognitive load got too heavy, and the result was stress, anxiety, and depression. Her conclusion was blunt: you can’t be everything to everyone. Now she steps back, takes mental breaks, exercises, and lets the other people in the house do their part—even when doing it herself would be faster.
Her stepping back has roots in what she sees in clients. She cites the figure that kids with ADHD hear 20,000 more negative messages before age 10 than their peers, which leaves a lot of adults unable to name a single strength. Energy spent forcing yourself through tasks built on your weaknesses doesn’t come back. Her advice is to delegate those tasks, break them down, or get out of the situations that demand them.
A one-to-ten scale for what gets your energy
When Fern asked how she chooses what to let go of, Schnittman had a number for it. She rates each concern from one to ten. Lying, broken house rules, real damage in the house, and steady disregard for core values are tens, and those get handled. Anything under a seven goes in her journal. She writes it down, acknowledges that it’s frustrating, rips up the page, and moves on.
She runs her business on the same logic. Her focus window is 10 to 4, she won’t book back-to-back meetings, and she keeps small tasks ready for low-energy days so she doesn’t have to push. Ideas that don’t fit the quarter’s goal go into a parking lot. Most she forgets. If one keeps surfacing every day for 30 days, it earns a real look.
Talking with kids who don’t answer “how was your day”
The second half of the conversation turns to connection. Schnittman defines masking as hiding your true colors out of fear of how others will see you, and her first tool for helping a child drop it is curiosity: ask questions, point out specific positives, spend one-on-one time, and try an end-of-day mood log.
For autistic kids, she gets direct. “How was your day” can stall a conversation. “What made you happy today?” or “On a scale of one to ten, do you want to go out tonight?” gives a child something answerable. Fern brought in the double empathy problem, and Schnittman agreed that communication belongs to both people, so the work of being understood shouldn’t land entirely on the neurodivergent person.
Her closing request applies to every parent listening. A label can help you understand someone, and the person in front of you is still their own person. Ask how they like to be spoken to. Don’t assume.
Listen to the full episode: members.neurodiversitymedianetwork.com/p/energy-economics-ep-9
About the host
Christopher Fern hosts Energy Economics for Parents on the Neurodiversity Media Network. He’s an AuDHD author, inventor, and entrepreneur, and the founder of Energy Economics, a daily practice app that sorts what’s on your mind into must-do, worth-doing, and nice-to-have. He also created the ND Operating System and The Other Side of the Table, a video guide that explains neurodivergent shutdown to the partners, parents, and colleagues on the other side of it. On the show, every guest gets some version of his core question: what does it cost you?
About the guest
Brooke Schnittman is an ADHD coach and coach trainer and the founder of Coaching with Brooke, where she and her team work with ADHD students, adults, parents, and couples. She has spent 20 years in the ADHD field and previously worked as a special education teacher and administrator. She is the author of Activate Your ADHD Potential and hosts the podcast SuccessFULL With ADHD.
Coaching with Brooke: coachingwithbrooke.com · Instagram: @coachingwithbrooke · Activate Your ADHD Potential: coachingwithbrooke.com/activatebook · SuccessFULL With ADHD: coachingwithbrooke.com/successfull-with-adhd
