Maiden, Mother, Wise One w/ Alex Watt

there we are we are live hello hello hello y'all I am Briar Harvey this is the neurodiversity media Network I'm so glad you could join us for our very first episode first episode first podcast so with me today I have Alex watt she is my beautiful co-host we are here on the maiden mother wise one show and we're going to be talking about the life cycle of Womanhood and everything that it entails and it's a lot y'all so buckle up basically Our Guest today is Jenkins okay yay of purple moose photography she specializes in plus size and lgbtq plus portraiture I've seen her work it is incredible we will have links in show notes thank you and today on episode one y'all we are going to be talking about periods and not the thing at the end of the sentence so Alex take it away we're all yours my friend mom I'm so excited to be here and I'm grateful for both of you actually to join me and when I was talking with Briar it's talking about pushing boundaries and you know talking about the things that people don't want to talk about so I'm really grateful you I know you're always open Jen I've known you a long time and Briar you're wonderful and I know you're open so I'm really grateful so we're gonna talk about periods menstruation Moon time there are a lot of words to call it what it is and so I just think it's really important that we talk about like our connection to it and when we first got it and then work through kind of how it's changed and how we feel about our bodies through it so if you don't mind Jen when was how old were you when you first got your period so I actually had to do some math on it so I think I actually was 11. oh okay yeah yeah and what was your experience with that were you prepared for it no I I think I hid the first three yeah yeah which is really common unfortunately right like yeah that's just how I grew up and I yeah toilet paper in the pants you know yeah you know what that's very similar to my experience as well I actually got my period the first time when I was 10 and I remember looking down and being like no that's not what that is and like that Panic can be like no it's not happening and like my body betrayed me in that moment I was like no I am too little all my friends are boys I'm not doing this and then like it came again the next month like it does unfortunately every [ __ ] time yeah and so how did you feel about it once you did get your period and kind of like tell me a little bit about that experience for yourself oh it was probably like a thing of Shame for a very long time that was not really talked about like my mom was like I need these things like I got my period and so then like after that she's like okay well he's here and take you to the store I'll get you this and but like I'm still like kind of like under the level like not something that's talked about but my mom's really low-key on any body movement type stuff so very conservative in that realm yeah and do you feel like that was tough for you at that point because I know you're not conservative at all and neither am I so coming from parents who kind of feel like mine's not conservative but she kind of was about it and so how do you feel about that experience because we don't have daughters either of us so it's like what would we have spoken to ourselves at that age I know right so like I talked to the boys about uh it to some degree like a little bit you know and uh just like you know Mommy hurts and stuff but like I meant I wish I had a daughter just so I could help rewrite that story but instead it's like looking at it from the perspective of being a boy mom yeah and and how can I change that story because for myself as a narrative I wish I knew that like it wasn't something to be shameful about because like that things were ready for me to go you know so there wasn't even the option took it like just we had stuff there ready to go that it was talked about that it wasn't this like Hush Hush thing that happens every month yeah I agree and like for me it's like my mom came in and she was like you got your period and started to cry on the floor and I was like I'm like I'm dead don't don't cry in front of me I woke up this big like you're a woman now and I was like Hey I've never felt like a woman I don't feel like a woman I have all boyfriends and now my body's betraying me because now I'm getting a period not being forced to be a woman and that was tough that was a tough time for me she had always told us about sex because I am a survivor of child abuse and stuff so I knew but it it didn't it didn't like help because it was like well you got your period and don't get pregnant it was like that's the next normal step and it's like well I'm 10 so I'm not gonna get pregnant and it's like okay I didn't know that she was trying to be supportive she did the best that she could in that moment but for me it's like I needed definitely a lot more between those gaps I needed a little bit more [Music] and so how do you feel about it in terms of like did you struggle with body issues and like feeling I know for myself that I was scared that I would be dirty from having my period and that was like kind of like you gotta stay clean don't be dirty don't like bleed through and it's like all that shame and embarrassment to something that's so natural in our bodies yeah yeah oh yeah the shame of like bleeding through like was just like is still even now it's just like oh God I hope that doesn't happen like you're prepared as an adult but like still but like as a kid that's horrifying I mean real talk do either of you actually own a pair of white pants I do now

I own yellow now right yeah that was a good one yeah no I would not be caught dead in white underwear or white pants never yeah so yeah same thing and like uh so French Italian Heritage so puberty all had friends with like blonde hair and stuff so like they're like oh yeah I have leg hair I'm like I can't

meanwhile I got like thick thick leg hair like hair period so it's like got your period you gotta shaved got small boobs

boobs by the time you're in grade six you have these woman curves and all of a sudden all these older men identify you as a woman like I'm 11. maybe 12. yeah and so for me the body issues were definitely that reflecting on what I look like a woman I look older and curvy and that struggle with it was hard for me yeah that would be especially with your past yeah and so honoring my body and being okay with my body took a lot of healing I had to work really hard on trusting it and loving it and moving forward um instead of hating it to like being like this is this happened it's okay it I can trust myself it's not leading to anything else but like my first interaction with a boy after I got my period was he tried to touch my boots I punched him in the nose and he got off and the principal said you have anchor issues and I was like you would be angry too my friend I love how that was your responsibility not anybody else's not anyone that was a a male figure or an adult even because he was much older you know that was put on us it's always like cover your body everything's put on us it's like cover your body be respectful don't tempt men don't do these things and it's like well as a mother of young boys I changing that narrative it's like like respectful respecting consensus and just someone saying yes or no it's how does their body language interact with you how do they move into you are they excited and this is even for something simple like a hug like read their body um tricky people this is a language I use tricky people do they does an adult ask you to help them well adults should not be asking children to help them so what's the trickiness in there and it's teaching them to trust themselves and be safe right but it's like that's put on us that's not anybody else's responsibility and it's important with boys I know mine are five and eleven and we spend a lot of time talking about enthusiastic consent I don't think there's a lot of research that's been done on men who rape and unfortunately not all men are aware that they are rapists and we really have a lot of reconciling to do there that how can a man be a rapist if he doesn't know that he is a rapist and yet explicitly right so the impetus then is on teaching our boys from before they can talk what enthusiastic consent looks like for them so that they can translate that to other people yeah even simple things like you don't need to hug or kiss a family member there are so many looking back uncles that would not have been uncles quotations uncles who you were forced to like engage with and there's no way I would let my children do that now as an adult seeing the flip of it it's like there is that Predator energy within that space and I know that Jen understands us too and it's like how do we how do we honor our boys and let them know that they're empowered and they're loving and they can be these beautiful partners and how can they consent to things for themselves how can they create that and it's like my boys are seven two seven year olds and a ten-year-old and it's like these are the words we're having we're having these tricky people conversations and these how do people consent and are they excited and um is it like reasonable that's the other thing it's like what is what you're asking actually acceptable to be asking because you know what's right and wrong kind of at that age but it's like is it acceptable to ask that of somebody else is that your body and definitely having periods and a hysterectomy my boys have seen me in not so great situations and so their understanding of it is much different than other boys yeah yeah and so what about you Jen because I know that's similar yeah so because my kids are foreign too so we're talking more about if they go in for a hug and there's a kid turning away from you yeah right so there's like more body language or they ask you to say no so we don't or um I'm tickling them they'll be like no stop it'll be like okay and I'm like do you want more and like yeah and then I'll do more and then if they say no then no and then I don't right and like it's just those basic things of like teaching them that like some people just want their space sometimes they might want to hug sometimes they want space that's okay we're the same you're the same I'm the same everybody's the same yeah and definitely when I'm working with people I really look for consent and I constantly ask like is it okay if I ask you is it okay if we talk about this I notice something can I share what I noticed I don't ever put on them and so my clients the women that I'm working with we talk about this we talk about how do we love our bodies from period on and how can we rewrite our relationships with ourselves from that time because lots of women are struggling with body issues and it stems from being disconnected from the first time they got their period and then watching your body rapidly change in front of you and actually not being prepared for that well no never mind the locker room talk right I remember being in the locker room Alex you're probably the same right and the girls are all talking about oh look at my boobs or look at this and everybody's like kind of like in this weird like either you're empowered by it or you're not sort of framework right yeah and then it's like if you're empowered by it at that age are you actually or what is going on there are we looking for love in a bad way are we looking for acceptance because we also went to the same high school and we've heard those girls be like well I hooked up with this guy and I hooked up with this guy and okay I have no shame around sexuality in people's but at that age it's like did you know like were you actually doing it for the right reasons are you moving forwarded and engaging because it was like something that you actually wanted to do or because you thought you had to and that's the narrative is often they think that they had to connect or have sexual relations with a young boy because they like them or the pressure to be fitting in even with other women they wanted to know if you were a virgin and that was the big thing are you a lesbian it's like oh well whatever right yeah which was so hard because like you know like I didn't want to date until I was in college and I used to come to peer pressure and got my first boyfriend and that was the person who raped me and so a lot of and like I stayed in that for a long time because I didn't have the skills on how to get get out of something when somebody's starting you with suicide yeah right so I didn't have the skills on how to get out of that or tell anybody no so it was that whole virgin talk and trying to be at peace with my body like that whole time period is just like busted yeah and for me it was before my husband right another partner like a boyfriend we want to come because he wasn't a partner trying to like Bully me into engaging with him and then understanding that like I remember getting my period once and I bled through and he's the first person who made fun of me out of the group and it's like we are childhood best friends and you're my boyfriend but you are making fun of me right now and it was shocking to me because I was like trying to build that um respect for men again because there was a hate there and I knew that and then like it was really hard because it's like that respect for men and then the respect for my own body and like not feeling ashamed of it it's like well you're shaming me for something I can't control yeah it's the Casual misogyny right how easy and quick that it comes to that place and we don't have the vocabulary to defend ourselves against that especially not at a young age and even culturally now arguably we aren't any better at teaching girls how to defend themselves against this kind of behavior and that's the reality of things is like through my work I've worked with the indigenous agencies and it's like we've talked with girls about periods and we've talked about honoring they call it their sacredness and stuff and it's not their virginity it's their actual inner power is their power within their room to control their Moon types because they are honoring themselves and they're loving during that time it's like how can we bring women back to empowerment for that and it goes back to like my first experiences of periods it's like in grade 8 I wrestled you can't wear a pod so nobody had taught me how to put in a tampon I was in the bathroom going like leg way up here going like is that right because that like fit does that hurt why does it hurt and then realizing I wrestled for four hours that I left the freaking plastic on it so the m just had come off and it was like but nobody had told me like the basics of that it was kind of like yeah I swear pad so yeah I've stuck with pads yeah yeah for like until I've decided to like navigate that myself right yeah and it was embarrassing for me because it was like I couldn't use a pad if I wanted to wrestle yeah everyone can see right so it was like that peer pressure of like I didn't even get to do that on my own it wasn't my own terms it was like good luck and it wasn't just me it was other women from other teens in the bathroom being like Alex I've never put in a tampon and so I'm like that's literally How I Learned swimming as a freshman in high school because you can't swim with the pad on and one of the older senior girls taught me how to insert a tampon I'm still to this day mortified about how all of that went down yeah yeah because it's like I would have much rather had a female that I trusted and loved be like Alex this is what it looks like and this is how it goes in or even helped me because that getting in the bathroom with your foot on the back of the toilet just like praying that it goes in the right way and the pain because obviously when you've been abused and stuff your body pushes against certain things so my body was like I'm trying to push it out and I'm like I just want to wrestle I want to like be successful in that so yeah it's like having that language around it and not being ashamed of having to help somebody when they feel that way yeah but I wish that it was on my own terms as well yeah mm-hmm and then I think about my son it's like my son's 10 just thinking about periods there was a little girl and she bled through and instead of him shaming her or doing anything he took off his hoodie tied it around her waist and said here you go and she knew I'm like he didn't shave her he was like do you want me to walk you to the office we can hang out and he talked to her and then the next day his mom her mom was like you're raising such a good kid and I was like No And yes but like that's where his heart is he knows what that's like but he's also seen me have miscarriages and he's seen me have these experiences where I don't wish that upon anybody but the life that we have he's he was around for that time [Music]

that little girl like I can only like that could have gone so much the other way and thankfully you're the guy was there yeah and he said he didn't even care he was like no you could keep it if you need to or whatever and he didn't like say haha you're bleeding out or anything he just said here's my hoodie he's like I just wrapped it around and walked her to the office could you imagine if we were all treated that way could you imagine if our partners or our children or people we had that experience of something so embarrassing for us whether we were treated with such kindness and what that meant to her yeah like that probably rewrote her language with that oh huge and her expectation yeah right not only her her language and maybe that moment but like also the expectation of if somebody else doesn't treat her to that level like then she knows yep that's raising the bar man it's like good luck we all future people in her life because she deserves better yeah we all know they're better than that yeah we do and so do you did you struggle with the unsanitary like feeling like the feeling like dirtiness until you understood that like obviously periods are not dirty yeah of course because like the whole that's totally not a talked about thing right and like hiding your first few periods like I was washing out my own underwear and stuff like in the sink like yeah you know and I just wasn't ever like really prepared for it like because it was kind of a hush hush so like I had pads but okay I never thought to bring an extra pair of underwear I just you're constantly just like and like I had no like other than it comes once a month like I didn't understand what to look for coming up to your period I didn't understand how my body changes I didn't so it's just like this out of the blue leg around this time will come and it was like um yeah it was it was stressful I have to say one of the most enjoyable practices for me of having a daughter was being able to teach her about her cycle and what that looked like and what that meant and she is autistic so it's all very matter of fact for us these are the facts this is how it the feelings do not enter into these equations which has made it a lot easier to talk about in a lot of ways because she's not embarrassed so it's hard for me to be embarrassed about it this is just the reality of our bodies yeah I wish that I had had that as a child yeah me too and so when I'm teaching and working with women or even their children we are very like this is factual and it's based on how their kids are I don't really Implement feelings upon it because I want them to take in the information and then if they have feelings outside of this that is different then it's welcome right it's like those are welcome questions but when we're in it it's like I don't want you to have all these mixed feelings and I always say it's like it's non-judgmental it's not dirty it's not gross most of us women get it like and I try to say those things right it's like if you're worried it's gonna smell don't worry about it vulva smell anyways like it's like that conversation right it's not we're not meant to smell like roses number one and you shouldn't be putting things up there that don't belong up there that's the other thing we talk about it's like very keeping the cleanliness around it right it's like wash and extra underwear like Jen is saying and pack extra supplies and don't be embarrassed if you have to call me so we I can help you yeah right it's like very facts in there that's what it should be because it shouldn't be this wishy-washy of feelings or past stories of whoever is teaching us right because it's hard to come at that from a clean slate with something that's so involved over our lifetime like you know um it just needs to be factual and I think another big thing is like the shame around having sex on a period oh yeah like um horny or turned on because of it it's like we don't tell people this happens it's like you've hit puberty you have all these excited feelings coming into your body shameful don't do it it's like no that's not the way it works it's like leading up to my menstrual cycle it's like I feel like I'm like a lion I'm like ah let's do this I feel good in my body I feel very the hormones level up and I'm a lot less in my head whereas during the other two weeks I'm more in my head like my ADHD and my stuff kicks in and I start like rewriting things and rereading things and like sometimes looking into it too much it's like that week before it's almost like it's such a like heightened release for me that I feel good I just feel good it's like I don't even need to have sex but it's like the intimacy is better and the communication is clearer because I feel heightened and better about it so you're like I got the opposite going on yeah yeah I totally like it leading up to my parent like I just like I'm gonna kick out my spouse like I'm just like just like no I don't have time do not touch me do not touch me look at me cross-eyed no yeah do you better do your chores you better like set the bar up here and like my head's just like but that's my other two weeks right so my other two weeks are like sort of like stop it's just that one week and I think it's because I've honored my cycle and I think it does have to do with my hysterectomy as well but I still every month I still feel my period That's the misconception is people think that like once we've had our hysterectomies or whatever we don't feel it anymore it's like no every month I know I'm getting there I do get hourly a little bit right it's like right as it comes in I have cramps I feel bloated I feel like what everyone else feels right but my brain gets Messier for that week and then the week after it so I think that's a big part of it is like talking to women about the hormone fluctuation and kind of the differences in all of us like right so like how do you feel when you're on your kids and we would not know because the medical establishment does not even treat women as people so the reality of our lived experience and what happens in our bodies is virtually it's all Word of Mouth at this point in time yeah and I think this is why like my I was going to come back around but it's like this is why my business is so important when I'm working with women and empowering them and people any wound carrier or anyone and even husbands who want to understand because they have a daughter talking about this I've had men text me and be like I think she's getting her period And I don't know what to do because he doesn't have anyone to talk with he there's like that he's scared to ask his mom or his ex-partner or whatever and it's like okay well this is what you do please get these supplies and be very kind and she may need an extra hug and tell her that it's okay to bathe this is another thing like tell them it's okay to have a bath they're in pain tell them that it's okay to sit in there it doesn't matter if they're on their period watch our after let them heal what they need to feel but there's all that shame cycle around those things yeah well and you know a lot of that I didn't start to like get over until I became an adult like it took a long time and it wasn't until I started looking at my own self and my own stories and and got through all the other stuff where I was like okay now I can like work on this you know and I think that a lot of women are like that like I still talk to women like I only learned just the other year that you know just paying attention to how much my pant size fluctuates which well that oh we're just supposed to say this pant size and then like we get heavier or go up a pants I seen like we feel shame and like we should lose weight and stuff it's like no I actually just throughout your period like that's just gonna flow up by two sizes yeah stretch pants that's the season of stretch pants right well those things our breasts well it's like a period And even before birth it's like people say oh your boots are gonna get better once the baby's born it's like no they just get bigger like and when I have my period it's like I don't wear underwire there is no way these boobs are being put in anything like that it's like it's a sports bra it's a tank top with a built-in bra it's Comfort because the pressure actually bothers me it's one of my like quirks that I don't like I can't have like pressure on there yeah and so what kind of sentence do you have around your period and kind of like how does it feel for you sorry my quad is annoying yeah pet friendly in this joint it's all live so cats are friendly see we gotta take a minute and go oh kitty kitty kitty and she's a big suck and you push her away and she says like more so it's like more give it to me which is huge um yeah so like I've noticed that I have like a three week where I have one week where I'd consider that like what I Norm like is like always kind of like standard you know and like what I relate to is normal from like when I wasn't getting my period when I was breastfeeding right after birth right so I know that that's that's actually my normal right so and then I noticed that uh my pant size goes up by two sizes which always makes me feel awesome and then uh yeah and then the next like week I'm like all like touchy and don't touch me and stuff but it's like that's a week before I even get my period so like I have something going on there like gotta do an ultrasound or whatever because now I'm like the week before is like a write-off and then the week of my period like because I usually only got it for like four to start making this is my week before it used to be like only like maybe five days and now I find it's lasting like you know sometimes nine and I'm [ __ ] I know like I said like I am just like yeah no you shouldn't talk to me

for me when I felt like that I noticed that my hormones dipped really hard and that's when I started getting checked and it had to do with my endometriosis but like I love talking about menstruation and I'm like I love hearing women be like I get it every month and it's like I had mine for four months straight yeah and then I would have it for a month and then I would have it for way too long and so like my sex life fighting against that it's like I'm a very like Primal as we know driven woman who enjoys engagement and it's like but then I would bleed for two months and it's like there's no touch there there's no connection and then it was like okay you know what let's throw the book out because it's like I'm not doing what everyone else does it's like so then how can I interact and still have sexual pleasure and interaction and intimacy when I am bleeding towel I mean that's what we use

yeah but it's like talking about this and saying like yeah you know what I actually really enjoy having sex on my period someone would be like that's disgusting and it's like well when you have endometriosis and you bleed for five months are you just gonna stop because I'm not Yeah it's gotten painful for me after the birth of my fourth child but that used to be a fairly enjoyable practice for us and uh there's I think something really sacred about sex while you're on your period hundred percent because like period teachings which is something that I talk about in my groups too and like with women it's like period teachings where indigenous teachings are we're so sacred and we're so empowered during our moon time that like when we have sex with someone and if we're not in love we're kind of taking power away from them because we're so strong and we can take power away and it's like but when you're engaging with your partner and there's that Mutual like respect and connection it's like sex is very sacred on your period it's very like for me it's like it reminded me of that I was still a woman and it was okay for me to have sex and it was okay to feel this way and that I would be honored by him because he loved it too and me right it was like I wasn't letting endometriosis stop my relationship when I could have let it yeah and so what about like I think sex is such an interesting conversation number one but periods as well because it's so Taboo it's like we're talking about like wonderful things and some people are going to be like oh and I'll be like well you know if we actually talk about it it happens more often than you think yeah and so Jen tell me about your experiences with Boudoir and like periods and like women and empowering them because you're phenomenal at what you do and I would love to hear a little bit about that oh you're so sweet so yeah in regards to periods and stuff like I say that that's usually when I talk to people too about hey just keep track recycled like do you if we have time to plan right we don't always have time to find but if we have time to plan I say like hey keep track recycle because you like see if your body changes because women don't want to necessarily take all their clothes off if they're feeling bloated if they're self-conscious you know like depending on how the hormones do their thing to them right because like we're all different some people feel super empowered some people uh just want to walk away in a blanket with chocolate so and we're all different and that's okay and that's part of of honoring yourself through doing portraiture or boudoir and the whole point of it is to photograph you with and so that you feel good and so you feel your best and and so if you have the time for planning then that's great and then if you people don't have the time to plan like I've never had a problem with it otherwise you know we just like you know do how we feel there's so many poses and like things you can do that aren't like you know my work I don't like to do close-up shots of vaginas anyway yeah if anybody wants you I'm sure I could do some photoshop in there but like I don't like to do that anyways so I've never had a problem with it you know as just as part of who we are as part of your your experience at the studio yeah you take it you took the first photos of me naked and I was on my endometrios like it was bad it was not good and she was like do it anyways you can do it because I really wanted to yeah and she honored that and there was no shame around it so I was like heck it I'm Gonna Get Naked let's do this I love it I love the looking back on the pictures you've taken me over life and you've always taken them and recently the ones that I keep sharing it's like you take all these like Primal real Raw photos of me and I think that honors like women's energy and that's something we've always honored you always honor the women's energy whether it be you know and it's like you don't have to get naked you can do whatever you want yeah yeah well it is what he what what is you what is your essence right someone may want to do like the classic lingerie play girl style type things sometimes and other women like you want to dance like it was raining yeah of you screaming like that's still like one of my favorites because it's like that's so Primal why wouldn't we right so I like look back and it's like I'm so grateful I have a good partner and I'm so grateful that he was open to understanding my struggles because had he not understood we probably would have made it this long it's like we had infertility issues I had endometriosis I bled through all the time so there was never any shame and I remember talking one waking up one morning bleeding through being like uh pulling the sheets off and he's like no go have a shower or a tub I got this and he took it and then I sat in the tub and I just ugly cried because I was like oh my gosh he's taking care of me in a way that I had never had somebody honor that yeah because like most of my girlfriends would have hid that or done it themselves and it's like he like inspired me to be okay with that and not have to hide away right and that's why we talk about this is like I want other women to have that experience with it I want them to feel that they don't have to hide it they don't have to be ashamed of it yeah like it happens it's an actual thing and then that rolls into like period poverty which is like a thing I mean so what do you feel about that because like I know that in our we live in northern BC and Canada we have um a high rate of people who are lower income and struggle with those things so it's like period poverty is like a real topic here about giving it back and you shouldn't have to go to your principal's office to go get stuff no because like they don't have an open in the in the high schools here or even in the schools yeah Parker told me that they have to go to the office which blows my mind it's like why my thoughts is that it should be available in each bathroom so if you have gender bathrooms it should be available in both bathrooms and if non-gender bathrooms then Yay good for you and it should still be available because what if I have a really good guy friend and I just bled through my pants and I'm hanging out with what's his name and I go ask him to go get it for me well he's not gonna go in the girls room to go get me a tampon or stand out there being like hey can I go to Tampa one like when he could just as easily go to the guy's room and get a tampon or the old like tampon up your sleeve try the Hat high five somebody or had shake his acid on yeah or the corner here non-crinkly tampon wrappers which is legitimately a thing like even today girls don't want to be making that noise in the stall next to other girls and I think we really have to assess how much shame we've attached to that if I can't even have that conversation with my peers yep or to feel like they're gonna shame you because you're getting the same thing they get every month yeah because they heard you crinkling next door it's like uh like why do we have to hide it right like why do we and we I have friends who identify as masculine who still need to use lady products why are we shaming them by only putting it making it accessible to women's bathrooms it's like it's these conversations it's like why is it shameful why why are we hiding it why is it taboo and then my other thought too is like having a principal's office is then you're also subject to adults who have their own stories written yeah whether it's a mom waiting to pick up homework whether it's the principles themselves or whoever they all have their own stories and what is the chances that in this day and age that they're going to have a positive story not very good or you get that Predator energy where they're like oh she's on her period She looks like a woman oh and like that happens and I'm sad that it does for our women and for our world I wish that wasn't there but in my space that me and you work with and women that I work with it's like there is no Predator predatory energy it's like you come on my Facebook or you say anything stupid it's like you're out and I I tell them off too and it's like you're being you're half predator energy this is a Sacred Space women's Womanhood Cycles is sacred you need to honor people

well I always like the narrative too of like okay what would the world look like if men got their period

kinder it would be an empowering thing it would just be just be kinder it'd be like dude you got my period got my period I'm hyped up onto the silencer road yeah bro yeah bro and it'd be available anywhere yeah it would and that's the reality of things right it's like and then they would be kinder to us like having to like rest because with endometriosis it's like I get like excruciating pain even without a uterus anymore I still get those soon and it's like puts me out and it's like if I was working like a normal like nine to five job which I was it's like I would have to call in sick yeah yeah you use your sick days up because every month you have to like go or like if you have Enderman Services even longer and I have polycystic ovary syndrome so like same kind of deal sometimes I'm just knocked on my ass like I talked to I I talked to a few guy friends and they're always just like oh you know they're so [ __ ] stuff I'm like go be kind yeah like oh but you know I just I'm running out patience because it's like every month there's like no you just need to go be kind and like give them a chocolate get them cookies like just go be sweet on them because that's what they might need right now it's terrible for them every month imagine the person who has to suffer through that every month yeah and like so many of my guy friends and and then I have that conversation with that's like just because that's the stories they're told to grow up with and so they have a hard time month in month out coming at it from a place of compassion because they just see us being [ __ ] yeah and it's like that's the kind of stuff they heard growing up right it's like but now our men so many of our men are stepping into this new energy where they're trying to be loving and trying to be understanding in an aspect right but they're not knowing what's the right way to do it yeah we're not engaging in these conversations I'm asking their partner like what do you need what can I do for you not to fix you but what can I do for you yeah right yeah and so there's that weirdness well a newness though too right because they're trying to like learn this whole new skill like I noticed like with my partners as well that I've had you know some of them were immediately more okay with it than others and you could tell by it it was there's definitely a difference in how they were raised by their different people that they were raised by and there's that newness to when they're with somebody who's like hey no I need this or hey I'm on my period like not just like shh but like talking about it even or hey can you go get me tampons there's like this newness to some people when like they're like okay no I can go do this for my partner and they're like Yay which I really hope to raise as boy moms yes me too and that is like our goal for our boys right it's like to empower them to help educate them and help them learn the language to communicate around it instead of adding to it yeah I'm like um Jesse got me tap on some pads one time because I bled through and I was stuck in a bathroom stall he went and did that for me he's also done that for other people who are not he's just he's okay with that he's comfortable with like he understands but it's like how can we make period products accessible to everybody and how can we get rid of this Narrative of this shameful and how can we engage in these conversations where people understand how to even like insert them or do what's what's more comfortable what is technically healthier how do you work a diva cup like does it fall out it's like all these conversations we're seeing people be like on Tick Tock and Instagram be like this is the diva cup I use it every month but it's like cool please show me how to do it like how do we do that you say we should put it in it's like a little bit more than that yeah yeah and you know like even when you go down the aisles like there should be something with more blatant information so that you're not having to pick up every little thing to be like because if you're a guy like how overwhelming is that you've never had to do it in your life nope you haven't been taught on the subject and now your girlfriend or friend just got her period she's trapped somewhere and you got like yeah like calling me like is it Supreme is it super what does that mean what brand meanwhile in the United States we can't even teach our school children about sex much less period products in approximately 70 of public schools yeah well and that's becoming common up here too is like they're getting these they're trying to talk about like transgender and open discussion in Canadian school systems and now getting parents like putting a halt on it but then it's pulling away it's like well they're not talking about periods either they're talking about this is your body this is a vagina it's like that's not a vagina let's go back to that conversation right like let's call it what it is please and so they're getting like scientific evidence but they're not getting the actual information they should be getting and parents aren't teaching it nope it'd be great if we could leave that up to parents yeah right but we cannot but you cannot no and that's the fight is they want parents to teach but these parents are like I don't want you to do it I want to be able to tell my child myself but they're not yeah so where do we win here because we need to educate them and Empower them

well and and like personally oh they're so young it's like

are they because like you should be teaching them about this stuff before they get it

oh I can't hear if the average age of this panel was 11 because I was 12 so that makes us 11 on average then we should be having this conversation starting in second and third grade yep and talking with other moms I'm hearing about how their daughters are getting it at like nine and ten so it's like a nine-year-old and we're not telling them to like grade five grade six grade seven it's like they don't know and it's too late by then because we haven't because when we don't have a conversation at all we normalize the shame around it that's what happens yeah and I was doing research recently and talking with a public health nurse here at Canada and she was talking about like body um issues and body low self-esteem and how it's connected to like being ashamed of our periods it's like that's the like she's they're doing this research and it's like that's the first key to like it catapulting to other reasons right so girls are like hating themselves at that very moment or being ashamed or scared and everything which is it's all valid but it's like I wish they didn't feel bad because then they started to dislike different parts of themselves because of that or or if they feel that way that it was then that there's station at least available so that if you were feeling that way you knew that other people felt that way and then you could heal from it so it wasn't this like year-long decades long chain right it was just you got to feel that this like sorrow and grief which is I think more than okay and then you get to heal from it right away like like there's a community there um do you remember uh oh it was probably like five years ago it went viral and that mom had thrown that red party for her daughter yes right if something like that happened and or maybe that's the extreme but like it was more normalized and you could still have your shame you could still have your grief for the loss of like a childhood of not worrying about that stuff because you're still a child it's you are still a child just now you have to worry about hormones and everything else but you're still trying so the loss of your childhood without having your menstrual there's you can grieve that that's okay but then there should be like an empowerment aspect to it within the same month I agree with you I agree with I completely and it's like to be very honest I didn't heal my issues with my period and my endometriosis until I had a hysterectomy and it's like I've been healing it slowly over the years but it's like four years ago almost four years ago now yeah that was like it cut it off and I was like and it felt like a weight off my shoulders and I was like I don't have to fear it an interrupt your world though because like I was knew you during that time and like like I just remember some of the the feelings like you were it was such a hard time for you because you you had that like yay it doesn't happen anymore but at the same time like he had this incredible grief

suffer if I can't stay pregnant or do what other women do and like it's the reason why I've taken so much education and learning is because I was like looking for answers for myself it was like I know that I struggle like asking for help yeah I was gonna laugh because I'm like you all know this it's like I struggle with asking for help because I feel when I have in the past I've been let down or I've been LED astray and so now it's like I'm healing that I'm building Community with like Briar and all these beautiful women and you of course and it's like but during that it's like I've had to educate myself to feel that way and now I have have this like basket of wisdom that I'm like I just want to help other people feel empowered of their own menstrual cycles how do we track it instead of being on birth control how do we feel sexy while we're on it and when I say sexy it's like that's not for everyone and that's okay but how do we like look at ourselves and be like you're a bad [ __ ] you did good today right like give yourself a pat on the back we should have like little menstrual stickers being like for every day of her period you're a bad [ __ ] and you get your sticker on every morning you switch out your product I'm a bad [ __ ] yes you write your gold star today girl yeah I sat on the couch and ate chocolate yes yes

it's like we need to start like bringing that humor and the lightness back to it instead of thinking it's like Doomsday

and I think because like talking about puberty and sexuality and like masturbation and all these things with our children like when they become appropriate instead of shaming them because it's like so often society's like put a sock on the door if it's a boy

but why are we not being like well that's actually a normal process and you will feel that way too and you're gonna feel like tingly down there you're gonna be ashamed and this is what mucus looks like and sometimes you get extra mucus and it's not always bad and yeah yeah and to check yourself how to check yourself because you should be learning as a like a young woman how to check yourself and how to follow that and so that if something's weird just the same as you do for your breasts right if something just gets weird then you know right and then you can keep track of it yeah and we don't have youth like struggling with a yeast infection for eight months because they were ashamed to tell anybody they had it yeah right right and it's like that's a thing I know it's a thing that talk to people or being scared of it like thinking that they're like bad for having it well and then yeah and like how easy you can do to make it tracking right I just put a period in my calendar yep right done and actually I make it a red one in my calendar and like you don't because there's all these apps and things but like really like we can make it super easy and accessible for people absolutely mine's got double horns nice but ideally we're teaching this to young girls when it's actually going to impact their personal growth and development rather than be an afterthought of a thing oh I guess I have this body I'm supposed to know this about it the the connotations are so completely different having your main teacher being advertisements oh there you go how much did we all earn from Tampax

like a supermodel holding a tampon wrapper not even like I don't even remember how long it was until I actually saw what a tampon looks like I think it was even when I started using them it wasn't like a known thing because it's discreet packages

yeah yeah the packaging is the least of our problems really and then you get the picture and it's like this picture of a butt with a thing in it and you're like what does that mean

that's a good point actually I just said it's like even letting them know where they bleed from I like where urine comes from because there's grown men who don't understand there's two differences there it's crazy we do not have time for that part of the show y'all we are gonna have to wrap that up right there however next week we're talking about sex yep we are yep so I'm looking forward to that discussion Jen tell the people where they can find you cat purple moose portraits on Instagram or Facebook or I have a website and what are they doing I mean according to your Facebook page you're taking pictures of children with Santa right now so right tis the season tis the season uh no so people I obviously I love to shoot families because a lot of times moms don't get to have good family portraits so that's a lot of people's first introduction to me actually is coming for their headshot or their family portrait and then it's usually when I'm booking that with them that they're like oh and I thought about Boudoir and like yes yeah let's explore more of that about that and let's give it it's like have a consultation with about it so like either they can actually fun things to do is you can come have your hair and makeup done if you want or come as is get your family photo done first and then they can leave and you can have Boudoir for the rest of the session so you really get to have the both of both the best worlds and you know it's all we do consultations we talk about where you are in life what you love about yourself which is self-conscious about what is your style how best to represent yourself and the person you are right now or is it some you're trying to do something that's like not the person you are right now but maybe this like other version of yourself or is it fine art where you want to do like artistic moods like we have a whole consultation to talk about all that and then yeah I just Alex could talk to how it makes her feel on that other half I feel like I can do the pitch all day but having somebody who's actually been through it is actually better so I relax with it I like to say how it make her feel yeah it was really good we met during a self-love Journey that she hosted for women and I was one of the very few that actually followed through the whole way so she started with simple pictures and simple playfulness and we talked about loving ourselves and it was correlated with like my education and my journey at that time like I was working through sexual health education and all these other things so it was really powerful and you know what she's been taking pictures of me for like seven years now so it's like I'm so it obviously worked it works and she's wonderful it's very comfortable and safe that's the one thing yeah thank you and Alex you have a program coming up in January tell us about it okay so I have become your medicine and I think it's a very important program it's going to talk about all these things that we're talking about now but also how to pull it out within yourselves and how to look inwards when we're looking for answers and safety it's all about activating our sensuality and understanding it and not without shame and judgment this is going to be a space where most of these women have talked about sexual trauma or birth trauma or things that they've never been able to talk about and we're going to be doing it one-on-one but also in a group aspect so I'm looking forward to it we have five women enrolled already and I have some spots available and I just want you to know you've got this really pretty sunlight Aura around your face it's absolutely perfect timing and they can find you where Alex so I'm also on Instagram is braided directions I'm on Facebook is Alex watt which something you have I also have my Facebook page which is great interactions you can catch me at all those spots as you should yeah you should I really enjoyed this conversation today and I am so grateful Jen that you could join us for this Alex we will be speaking again in two weeks talking about sex tell us a little bit about our guests for that one so we have Kelly Ray and Jen actually if she's gonna make it we're gonna have two guests next week and it's gonna be interesting because we're gonna talk about sex like totally unhinged it's gonna be so wonderful it's gonna be not a lot of boundaries they'll be boundaries but I mean we're going to be open and be very raw about it I want to talk about um Feeling by being by openness to sex being into Kink and fetish and we're gonna yeah it's gonna be really good very exciting so that episode y'all will be on December 29th and you can join us here live you can find this here on the neurodiversity media Network and we are so glad you could join us for our inaugural episode thank you so much everyone for being here and y'all have an incredible day bye now bye